US DUNCANS: My thoughts on Life and Death.

First of all, I"M THE WORST WRITER! I'm all over the place and distracted, but try and find my point in all this.

Bit of an intense title, isn't it?

My grandpa Rash just very recently passed away. He was diagnosed with Esophagus Cancer and was very difficult for him to eat anything. after a couple weeks, he couldn't even swallow liquids because of the tumor in his throat. I was able to spend all day by his side for 3 days along with my aunt and uncles and brother, Ryan.

During my Grandpas memorial yesterday My Uncle Phil decided to say a few words and man, is he a wonderful speaker. I sure enjoy listening to him and his comforting words. He said that when my grandma passed away in 1999, Grandpa was never really the same after. I remember even as a 9 year old seeing that effect on him. He lost his sweetheart. It was soon after that that he moved to Pocatello from his long time home in Rupert, Idaho. I will NEVER forget that home. Oh, how I wish to walk into that house as grandma and grandpas again. Anyway, my original point here was that my Grandpa was a sweetheart. Everything he did was for his family and he was just amazing.

I don't know why I feel the need to get like this when someone dies. Maybe because While a lot of people are mourning the loss of him, I choose to look at his/her life and how they made me feel. No one on this earth is perfect, but These people who have passed on in my life have all influenced me and made me who I am today. My grandpa was such a sweet man who made EVERYONE feel good and whole. I'm so grateful to have this man in my life who constantly was showing an example of hospitality and love.

Phil also shared a wonderful story that made me cry.

They used to have a time share in Sun Valley and he said that my grandpa would always get scallops that looked amazing and were apparently the freshest you can get around Idaho. Phil said that he would get done with his dinner and would be eyeing his scallops. My grandpa noticed and immediately would say, "Well, I sure am full. Phil eat my scallops." I know that may seem like a little thing, but He was just so selfless. I know when James wants the rest of my burger I tell him to take a flying leap. HAHA

But really, my point here is that death doesn't have to be so sad. Death can be a good thing and it's not something to be scared of. Getting together with all of my family to celebrate his life, is such a wonderful experience because you hear stories you have never heard before, you learn things about someone that otherwise never would have come up in a conversation. I've learned a lot about my grandpa and how much I crave to be like him. Humble and selfless.

He missed his sweet Elaine and longed to be back with her. He missed his parents and his first born son and just wanted to go.

It was a very different experience watching my dad deteriorate and die in front of my eyes. He didn't feel ready to go, and it was tragic.

My grandpa was able to sit down with Ryan and I holding both our hands about 48 hours prior to his death and tell us that he didn't think it would be long that he was more than ready to go. In and out of little naps he would talk to us. One of the last things he was able to say to us at that moment was this, "I've lived a long full life and my kids and grandkids made it a happy happy life."

It puts everything into perspective doesn't it. You heard it from a man who has truly LIVED. 90 YEARS! He's seen everything. From war, to school to marriage to the birth of his children, to the birth of their children and the birth of their children. to the death of his wife and his son to so many changing seasons to Marilyn who was his companion up until his death. He truly lived and he is my forever inspiration. I'm grateful to be his grandaughter and can't wait to spread his ashes where he requested; The Snake River up by Glens Ferry, where he was born and raised and fished and hunted.

Like, I've tried to get my point across, I don't know why I feel the need to talk about death and i'm so sensitive to this kind of thing. I just don't ever want the loved ones who have passed on to ever be forgotten.

family history is so important and it's such a cool thing. Their anniversary of death is just as important if not more that their Birthday. Celebrate those you love. I will celebrate my fathers and my grandfathers and mothers and grandmothers and aunts and uncles and all my family. They deserve to be remembered. If you love them, celebrate them alive and dead.

I'm sorry if this seems morbid to some people, I have come to terms with death because I've seen a lot of it the last few years and I'm not scared of it anymore.

My Major key point here is ENJOY LIFE. Do what you want. Do your best to treat people with respect and don't care what random people think of you. In the long run, it doesn't matter. Just be a good human and treat others nice.

Take care of yourself and your family because family will always be there. There are truths behind these Cliches.

The Hospice nurses were amazing. They were so sweet and the most supportive but straight to the point nurses. They took great care of him and I'm so thankful for them.